Reminisce

I was watching an old family video, that was recorded back in 2004. It was the time, when we had our first raya together in Malaysia. Abah had bought the video from his home, and he had no clue, to what's inside the video.

Watching the video, has made me missed the old times. We were all so young, and it was those times, that we had the most fun. It was the time, where only me and my sister were the only 'anak dara' at my mum's side, and all the cousins were very young and very tiny. Sekarang all the tiny tiny cousins, have grown up to be young adults. 

As we went through the video (which was on pagi raya), I realised how precious those times were. It felt like it was only yesterday, that we all gathered  and berkecoh at my grandparents' house. The time, when my mum would fuss to gather everyone, and everyone would be everywhere getting dressed up, putting on make up and some would only just start to bathe. And it was the last time, where every single one of us, had gathered together in one place to spend raya. It was the final raya for one of us. 

Yes, I miss those times. I remembered as a young child, my grandparents would make us sleep early, and we cousins, would sleep together, and get excited about raya morning. 

I remember, my grandma, waking up everyone early in raya morning, and us cousins, having to fight over the one toilet at my grandparents'. Can you imagine, over 20 people in the house, and having to fight over one tiny bathroom in the house. So, my what aunties made us do, was all the girl cousins mandi sama sama, and the boy cousins would do the same, just to make the process faster. We would all be screaming over the one bathroom. And after we all salam-salam the elderlies, we cousins would gather and plan to walk around the kampung and collect our duit raya. I would go together with my cousins (from both sides), and my grandmas' neighbour. So, basically it would just be me, my sister, one of my brother, Pipi, Apis, Teha (my cousins), Su and Diana (the neighbours) go around the kampung to beraya. And we would do this for three days. Walking around for hours, from morning til evening collecting our duit raya. And at the end of the three days, we would all count our raya money, and compare who got the most. I really miss those times. If only we could turn back the time. Now, kids at this era, don't do that anymore. They would rather stay at home, lepak, watch t.v and play the i-pad or other tabs all day. The raya spirit has disappeared.

Back to the video, the scene, of where all the little ones played the mercun was quite fun. We are quite lucky I guess, cuz one of my uncle gets a stock of mercun every year. Where he gets it, and how, is a 'family' secret. So, every year we play the mercun, that my uncle has brought. And the neighbours would come along to play with us. And sometimes, we have a mercun war, and try to find out whose house has the loudest mercun. And this can go on til early morn. So the first few night of raya would always be a sleepless night.

As we watch the video, we came across, someone, who had passed away on the same year that the video was taken. It was one of his last moments here with us, and on this earth. It was my late 'paklong'. There's not much of him. But it was enough to see his face. Seeing him in that video, has made me missed him dearly.  Yes, he was garang, but he was also a loving and caring person. 

I remember the day he died. My mum ran upstairs screaming and crying to me. I first thought my dad yelled at her, since they had a fight that morning. But she told me my uncle had gone. I asked her where? She just kept crying, and kept repeating the word gone. It did not hit me, that the word gone had meant passed away. 

I remember arriving, at my grandparent's house, hearing people mengaji, and people crying. It didn't really hit me then. His body laid there peacefully, wrapped in white cloth and covered in kain batik. Everyone that night took turns guarding  him. And everyone, read surah yassin through out the night, whilst crying. Tears did not flow over my face.

To tell you the truth it was the first time, that I had experience this. Normally, when there's death in the family, I would just make doa' for them. I don't really visit them, because I'm not always in the country. 

Anyways, I remember the next morning,my grandma,  my cousins, aunties and uncles from dad's side came. And my relatives from far also came to ziarah. They all came in to help prepare for the funeral. It was the first time in my life that I was experiencing this. I just sat there and observed, and tried to calm my aunt (late uncle's widow) who was holding his shirt that he last wore and was crying. 

Then, my other pak long came (my dad's half brother) and called all the intermediate family to say the last farewell, before they bathe and pray for the jenazah. As everyone wished him their last good bye, my mum warned me not to cry and to make sure no tear fell on him. So I read my doa for him, touched his face for the last time, and said good bye, telling him that I'll meet him on the other side, InsyaAllah.  After that, only it hit me, that I wont be seeing him again. I ran downstairs to my grandma, and cried my heart out to her. 

That was my first funeral, and it was an experience I will never forget.

 From, reciting surah yasin, to biding farewell, watching and the burial. It's a scary experience. But it's an experience that we cannot run away from. Everyone must go through death. It was also a reminder to me, that the Al-Mighty can order the Angel of Death, Izrail, to take our soul anytime. It is also true to what they say, you die what you love doing. Arwah past away after trying to play the drums during a wedding. He fell, after trying to beat it once. 

Scary part was, when they try to put him in the car,to bring him to the clinic,  the door of his van was jammed. After what seemed hours, it finally opened, and his body suddenly became heavy for a while. And half way to the clinic, the van broke down. and somebody saw tears coming out of his eyes then. I guess it was really his time to go. I guess, his time on earth was over. We must accept it. 

After the funeral, we headed back to K.L, my mum cried. She couldn't believe she lost her brother. I also cried, but not in front of her. I cried in my room.

Sorry I got carried away. I just didn't really expect him to be in the video. And I really wanted to write it down, for my own sake.

And thank, to anyone who's reading this. Hope I didn't bore you. 

Jazakallah khair. 

Day trip to the K.L bird park and BBW

So, it's the weekend my parents came down to K.L. And as usual, when they come down here, the first thing they attack is their tanah. My dad, needs to settle building his nest in Hulu Langat. It wont be long til he's retired. Basically he has no time to spend with us.

So, in order to keep the baby of the family entertained, we made him search for a place to visit. And tak sampai sejam, he decided he wanted to visit the bird park and planetarium. And kebetulan, my brother has his day off, so us lima beradik and Lini, decided to go out on a little adventure to the bird park. It was the first time, that the 6 of us, yes there's 6 now, got together and went out to have fun. Very rare occassion indeed.
It was a very fun day indeed. It was also the first time for most of us to visit that place. It was the third time for me. But going with the kids is different, we have to keep an eye on the kid, and can't really enjoy the view.

We spent 2 hours plus there. I'm not going to post pictures now, cuz of time constrain. I'll do it later. InsyaAllah.

The place was not that bad. The birds actually were free. Well most of them. They actually fly all over you. It's an out of this world experience. Entrance is quite expensive. But it is worth it. If you're lucky, you'll see the peacock doing it's own show. They'll actually open up their tail for you, so you'll see their beautiful tail feathers. Macam musim mengawan la. Hehe...it's really beautiful. We were lucky enough to see it.
Plus, you get to feed the parrots. Just pay RM2 for a tub of their food, put a little on your hand, and they'll come and feed from your hand. It's a beautiful experience. It's scary at first but, lama lama it will be okay.
We spent about half an hour feeding the birds.
After the bird park all 6 of us, went to the book fair (BBW aka big bad wolf). We waited for mak and abah at mines, but they didn't come, because my parents decided to meet up with their friends else where. So the 6 of us, had dinner and went book shopping at BBW. We spent a couple of hours there, which was actually not enough, we grabbed as much books as we can, and became quite satisfied with what we got. Planning to go there again with my parents next week. InsyaAllah.

Us 6.  :-)

Feeding the parrots at the birdpark. :-)

Miss him

I miss this little boy. This boy has so many nick names some of which are : Bambam, Debab and Yucop.  I gave him these nicknames. And it stuck to him for quite a while. Everyone called him that. Most popular nick name was Bambam.

Why we called him Bambam? Well, basically sebab he was a cute little bulat boy. He looks 3 plus, but he's really only 1 and a half years old. Those who meet him, will automatically think he's 3years old, when in fact he's only 1 plus.

Tapi, he's like the most cerdik, most smartest baby I've met so far. Dia ni drama king sikit. Petang petang, before I leave, I always ask the question "Siapa babab dia hari ni?"
He will automatically point out to my assistant. He likes to accuse her and point the finger at her. I don't know why. It's not as if, she really babab him.
And than I'll ask "Dia babab kat mana? Tunjuk teacher, dia babab kat mana?" And he will point where dia kena babab.

I so geram with him.

And another thing he doesn't call everyone teacher. Dia akan panggil sorang Mummy, sorang Ummi, sori Ibu, sorang Mak and sorang lagi Mama (which is me).
Yes he calls me Mama. And the name was stuck to me for a couple of months, until he figured out my real name. A couple of weeks before school ended, he began calling me "Mina" and "Nana". That stuck to him til school ended. He called the school cook "Bibik" behind her back. She never that. It was our little secret.

Dia belum pandai cakap sangat lagi, but he knows and can understand what is being taught to him.
He understands English really well, and of course Bahasa. So we always speak both languages to him. And sometimes words like "Nak drink", "Air", "Mama", "Adik", and "Bitut" would come out. But it would come out, once in a blue moon.

I  miss this little boy. I really do. I hope he's doing well. I wish him well. I can't see him anymore. All I can do now, is doa for him, pray to the Almighty to protect him, wish him the best and give him a bright future. InsyaAllah.

Yeay or Nay

As stated in my previous post, I've left my job. And as a result of my action, I got a terrible mail from an ex employer of mine. She demanded that I pay her 6 weeks in lieu of the 6 weeks notice that I failed to make, if not legal actions would take place. This was according to the Malaysian law la.

I got really upset at first. I researched, and researched, and asked my lawyer friends, and they said that this law apply to me, if I had a contract. Because the Malaysian law states that employees are "any person, irrespective of his occupation, who has entered into a contract of service with an employer under which such person's wages do not exceed RM1500 per month.". So obiviously I never did have any contract nor agreement (black and white) with her, so she can't do anything to me. Right?

So that felt a bit better. And thus, I went hunting for a new job. And it has been so long since, I hunted for one. I applied like crazy, and only managed to land a couple of interview, one was very nearby, and the other was practically the other side of KL.

The first, was I think clueless. She asked soalan yang merepek2 and I practically had to repeat myself twice. And plus she said she wasn't keen on taking Malays! Pfft! Racist! And oh, her offer was low, was like half of my current pay. *Sigh!*

And then, I went for another interview. Alhamdullilah, the interviewer was superb. And she was super duper friendly. Which I liked. The place was right behind my old work place. Last time I went was like 4 years ago. It definitely had brought memories back. I miss that place. I miss my ex boss. She was like the nicest lady ever. She was Thai, and she was a really good cook. I miss the kids there. *sigh*
Memories.
Anyways, the place was a Good Shepard school. It's a missionary school. I don't mind. Half their students are Muslims, and they have agama class. Working hours are wonderful, pay is awesome, cuti is double awesome (so I can balik Kampung to Johor and Thai often, hehehe). Which I love. They seem promising. So hopefully they take me in.

InsyaAllah.

Behind every cloud is a sun. I bersabar, and He showed me something better InsyaAllah.
Hopefully next year will be a good year. InsyaAllah.

A few minutes of perfection

Wouldn't it be awesome if it was like this here. Everyone would be happy, if we just help each other. The smallest thing can help change a situation. I can only just dream about this.

Bear and his love for shoes

My cat just loves shoes. Especially new shoes. He can just sit, and cuddle with shoes all day. He also loves bags. And clothes. Yes, my cat is a He, but his love are all the things that a cat who is a She should love, not a cat that is a He. I love my cat.

Great quote from a great leader

"If you want to be a leader, you must have ideas. If not, you're simply a follower." ~ Dr Mahatir bin Mohamad.

" Iman tidak akan betul sehingga percakapan betul- Kita harus jaga lidah, apa kita taip juga ibarat lidah." ~ Suhaib Webb

Rasulullah Menangis di Padang Mahsyar

I cried whilst watching this video. I'm ashamed of myself, for not being a good Muslimah as one should. I'm ashamed that most of us forget about the Seal of all prophets, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) I'm just ashamed and am scared of what's to come. This video is a wake up video for me. Hope it's a wake up video for you as well.

Farewell and Adieu

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

After 4 and and half years, I have finally decided to step out of my current job. No, this was not an impulse decision, I have prayed and I have thought about it, for many nights, I have finally decided to call it quits.

I began working at the age of 22 and half years. I started as a practicum student, and after a couple of months I was officially a staff.

Was I happy?
Yes.

My boss, trained me hard. Hari hari kena marah, kena maki, dan kena tepuk by her. Because I was slow. And hari hari I balik rumah, menangis. I cried everyday, because I couldn't stand the torture. But I took it positively and made it a learning process.

I've made really closed friends with some of them, whom I treat like they're my mum and my sister.

I've watched a child walked in as a baby and walked out as a confident six year old girl. I've taught her to talk, taught her to sing her first song, taught her to write and taught her to read. Basically I watched her grow.

Through out the years, I've tried to quit, but I failed. I guess Allah wanted to tell me that my rezeki is still at that place. Every year, I go running and crying to my boss to let me go, but she refuses to let me go.

This year has been the worst year. I was assigned as the Early childhood coordinator. Meaning I was in control for the 3years and 4 years group. It wasn't an easy task. I had to assure lessons were done smoothly, and prep was done on time. I also had to train people, I had to train them to be like me. Believe you me, I was a bidan terjun, never trained anyone before, and tiba tiba kena train orang. And worst part was I kena marah for their mistakes. On top of that, I had to entertain enquirers, do the 4years old curriculum, had to jaga the welfare of the staff, stayed back when people went missing in action, became a cleaner for a few months, buatkan susu untuk budak, tidur kan diaorang, mandi kan and teach a class of 22 super duper hyper and CERDIK 4years old. Penat. Gaji tak nak naikan. Contract and cofirmation letter after working there for more than 4yrs pun tak nak bagi kat I.
Staff baru semua dapat. Only I je tak dapat.
Why she refuse to give to me? Only God knows.
I only tahan working there, and did not quit half way through the year because, I was close with the kids. They needed me to be at the school. Only I could handle them, and settle them down. No one else could.

My assistant all like chips more. Kejap ada kejap tak ada. Every month ada new assistant. Budak all pening, I pun pening, so last last I told cik boss, that I want to handle the class alone. Walaupun penat.

Oh yeah, my 'team' consisted a group of young kids (they were 23yrs old) and they were very inexperience. Just like how I was more than 4 years ago. So cik boss kata, treat them like how I was treated when I was their age.
Result : They were sensitive, and cepat merajuk. Every time, they kena dengan I, they became chom. They made a chom face at me. They even mengadu kat facebook, looking for sympathy. Aiyoo. Luckily I wasn't like that, at their age. Yes, I made a chom face, but I didn't merajuk at my boss.

And they don't have sikap professionalism. They're always tardy. They're always on leave. They're always taking half day off. They're always sms-ing. And they make the children listen to lagu lagu jiwang.

And who gets in trouble for all this?
That's right. Me.

So I've made up my mind, and I've decided to leave. InsyaAllah, there are better opportunities out there for me. I know He has better plans for me. I just have to trust Him and  find it. InsyaAllah.

Hell

A very scary insight and a reality hit, of what's to come for us. A very good lecture, by muslim revert and also a sheikh, Yusha Evans.
I wanted to go to twins of faith, to see his talk. But tiket terlampau mahal, and plus I can't find a friend who wants to come with me.
Hope you enjoy this video, as much as I did. :)

Beloved Palestine - GAZA 2012

The people are with you. We are all fighting and praying for your rights. We are all praying that there'll be an end to this apartheid, In Sha Allah.



P.S I cried half way through this video.

Boycotting

In conjunction of this heart breaking war that's happening in Gaza, I have decided to boycott every Israeli supported product.
Alhamdullilah, it feels good to actually do it.
You see, if I can't go out to the actual field to help out my brothers and sisters there, I have to donate, and if I can't donate, I must at least not support the products that's giving the funds to the zionists. I read this somewhere. I can't recall where. So boycotting these products, is part of my fight against these monsters, and guess what, people around the world are boycotting their products regardless of their race and religion. They're actually going to places that provides products from Israel, and going on strike in the shops. I just wish us Malaysians are as brave as these souls there, to do what they do. Because if it happens here, I would've joined.
Like this video here:




Wouldn't it be cool if it were to happen here?

OR

If we would've done this:


It would be wonderful if these things happened here in this land of truly asia.
It would only happen here, if
a. people were brave.
b. Like I said in my previous post, Islam should get united. Like the saying goes "United we fall, divided we stand". Please do not make dua to Allah so that he can fall. Like a certain political party made a solat hajat, so that the dominated political party here can 'jatuh'. Sad. They forgot that the majority of this dominated political party are muslims. The people that held the prayer are 'Islamic', they should know better than doing this sort of thing. *sigh!* *shakes head*

So dear brothers and sisters, lets boycott products that support the zionists, and lets not forget to make dua for the people in Gaza, Myanmar and for all our Muslim brothers and sisters that's suffering. Let's make dua to Allah, so that he'll protect the innocent souls from the monsters in this life. Amin.

Maher Zain - Palestine Will Be Free | ماهر زين - فلسطين سوف تتحرر

Let's pray

Salam Maal Hijrah, Everyone. As we go to a new year, lets pray to Allah, that he protects and save our Palestinian brothers and sisters from the evil zionists. Let's pray to Allah that he protects and save our Rohingya brothers and sisters from the genocide. Let's also pray to Allah that he protects and save our brothers and sisters that's suffering.
My resolution this year, is that I'm going to keep praying to Allah, that one day all the Muslims from all around the globe will whole hand in hand, be united and fight the zionists from killing innocent soul in Palestine. And also save our Rohingya brothers and sisters.
I believe that selagi, orang Islam don't get together and be united, we will never win, and our brothers and sisters in Palestine and Myanmar will keep suffering from the Monsters.
So dear brothers and sisters, let's all get our acts together, and fight for our rights. Let's fight for the sake of Allah, and save our brothers and sisters that's suffering.

Malays

I'm a Malay, and sometimes, I'm ashamed of my own race.

Like seriously. 

Majority of Malays are Muslims. But the majority of the Malay Muslims don't act like one. 

For example :
A few weeks ago, I went window shopping at the heart of this metropolitan city. As I was walking, I saw a huge group of teenagers, aged about 13 years old, walking opposite my direction, laughing boisterously, holding hands macam couple, and creating havoc on the walk way.
I looked at the group was like "OMG!. A group of young Malays. Why am I not surprised".

A few miles away, on the other side of the complex, there was another group of Malay teenagers. Smoking, laughing, drinking, and being loud right in the middle a walkway.

People of other races were staring and shaking their heads. I too was shaking my head. At that moment, I was ashamed of being a Malay. What was their parents thinking of letting them go? Didn't their parents educate them on smoking and drinking under age? Didn't their parents educate them about manners? Didn't their parents give them a set of rules about going out?
Oh wait! I forgot, parents zaman sekarang, they're too busy making money. They don't have time for their own kids.
When I look at these poor teenagers, all I could think of was they lack attention from their own parents. They are hungry for attention, that's why, these teenagers, they go out and look for attention else where.

Kesian betul anak-anak melayu kita.

Another Example :
When I read headlines on bayi kena buang, bayi baru lahir kena bunuh, and etc, the first thing that comes on my mind is this must be a work from a young Malay. And I continue reading the articles and yeah, I'm right.
There's always time of year, when these sad news on the new born never stop. Why these young teens are scared of what society would think if they keep these new born.
You see, in the Malay society, it is Haram for you to have premarital intercourse, and give birth before marriage. Most Malay families would kick out their kids if they are caught on having sexual activities with their partners and baking a bun in the oven.
So in order to stay in the family and avoid drama, they either kill the innocent soul cold heartedly or throw it somewhere and pray that wont get caught. Sad aint it?
What's even more sad, the victims of these dramas are the baby (duh!) and the teenage girl. Where's the father of the baby? And why isn't he caught in this drama as well? Only God knows.

After reading too much news about these baby cases, I came to a conclusion whereby, our society does not educate these teens enough about sexuality and the consequences on having it. I mean all I know is that, they educate these kids on if you have premarital sex, you'll go to hell, if you get pregnant you'll go to hell as well, and our family will lose face.
So because of the lack of attention from adults, and lack of education, these kids, they go to the net and what do they do? They tengok citer "blue".And when they watch it, they get turned on, thus they invite friends to watch it together and try it out. Besides the net, they purchase these explicit movies on illegal markets. Again, they'll watch with friends will try out what they've seen on t.v.

While they're busy trying out new projects, their parents are busy making money. And they're also unaware what's going on with their children. And so what's surprising to me is that some of them are also unaware that their kids are pregnant. Which is sad.

Then cold heartedly they ditch the innocent soul away like it's some kind of rubbish. It's heart breaking to read and hear stories about babies being killed and thrown it's some kind of rubbish. It's also heart breaking to know that these cases are normally done by non other than Malays.

If they were taught properly by teachers and parents, I think non of these would've happened. Simple things like, contraceptions, and consequences of having unsafe sexual activities may have lower the risks of kids having premarital sex. In Islam there is a reason to why coupling is Haraam. And the reason is obvious right.
God has forbidden premarital love for a reason. He knows what's best for all of us. He also forbids non-mahram to touch each other. In a hadith, I can't remember which one, but what I remember reading is that touching a person of the opposite sex is Haram, but touching a pig is not haram. It also says that if one touches a pig, they can samak their hands with sand, but if one touches the opposite sex with no reason than the answer for them is hell, cuz there's no samak if one does such acts.

I don't understand why these kids think the best solution to solving their problems is to throw these young souls out. I don't understand why these kids think that by throwing and killing  their own babies would wash away their sins. I don't understand why these kids' parents and teachers never taught them that if they have sex is a sin, they get pregnant is another sin, and they throw away or  their wedlock child is another sin. So think on how many sins they've committed. I just don't understand these things.

And I think the biggest problem is lack of attention.

But of course not all are like this. Some keep their babies. They know the ones that created the sin is them, and not the baby. A relative of mine, gave birth to a wedlock child. She kept it. Got married to the child's dad. I don't know the whole story. All I know was that she told her mum she was going for a course, and she came back home with a child. The rest they said is history.

Enough of sad baby stories.

Another Example:

I realized that when it comes to politics us Malays get ambitious. Hahah...even though we come from the same race, but we all have different political views. And sad part is, we become each other's enemies when we have different opinions on politics.
You see here in malaysia, we have different political parties. There is :

1. Umno - The current main body of government. It is lead by Malays but the party is made of Indians, malays and chinese. 1 Malaysia lah.
2. Pas - This is the religious opposition party. Made of mainly malays.
3. PKR - Another opposition party.
4. Keadilan- 
5. DAP - This lead by mainly chinese.

There are many others. I think. But I don't take port, in this political crap. I just find these politicians are nothing but bullshit artists. Sorry about my language.

Sometimes we malays go against each other because of politics, the chinese, indians and other races laugh at us. It's embarrassing. 

Sometimes I wish, us Malays can stick together, and us Muslims can stick together and be one. Just like how the Prophet (S.A.W) taught us. 

If we are united, maybe we can show the world, how peaceful we really are, and what Islam is all about. If only.

Me, Him and the Trash Can

I'm not really a fan of malay movies. But this one, exceptional, cuz one; the director is a friend of mine, childhood friends to be specific. Anyways he's been promoting his first ever telefilm in FB so, because of that, I decided to watch it, just to support my friend.
I dare say, it aint bad. The movie that is. I'm not going to criticise it. Watch it, and judge it for your self. Happy watching!:D

Guy Sebastian - Battle Scars ft. Lupe Fiasco

I'm so in love with this song. Thought I might share it here. <3

I remember

I remember while growing up, I thought my parents were the strictest parents ever. I remember back in Australia, my friends would always go out, and have sleep overs without me. 

Why? Well, not because I wasn't invited, but because my dad was the strictest and firmest dad in the world. 

His answer was always no, when ever I wanted to go for a social event. And if I went to a birthday party, I had to give my friends' number, address, parents' name, and reason why I'm going. 

Camping out with the school, was a big no no! 

But here's a little secret, I did do a few naughty stuff behind his back. What I did, is a secret between me and God. I was a teenager, and I was going through a phase, where I wanted to experiment a few things in life. 

Was I happy about it? No! 

I regret it. 

But let me assure you, it has nothing to do with boys. Alhamdullilah, I grew up without having a boyfriend. 

I remember going to school one hot summer day, wearing shorts and  a t-shirt, my malay friend, teguh-ed me about my clothing. She said what I wore was haram. I kept quiet and walked off. More than 12 years later, I bumped into her, and her dressing is worse than my dressing back than. Sleeveless, tight pants and hugging a non-mahram....I was speechless. 

I'm glad my mum taught me the consequence on holding non-mahrams. And I'm glad my parents disallowed boyfriends during my teen years and my college years. 

I remember when we were staying at a particular relatives' house and didn't wake up til 8am, this particular person, would bising at us. She would bising about our weight and about our 'malas-ness'. Oh, and also about our clothing. She would always say that we were anak dara malas, and would call us gemuk. 

But you know what Allah is great, he would always balas you if you talk bad about someone. 10 years after she kutuk'ed my us, her daughter is doing the same thing we did 10 years ago. And Alhamdullilah my mum is not the type that likes to ungkit. She knew that people looked down on us years ago, and she knows Allah will pay them back. 

I remember when my brother went through a phase, where he grew long hair, and everyone kecoh-ed. My parents kept quiet and ignored the whispers and the stares. They told us ignore those who look down on us, Allah will pay them back. Years later I come back, I see some have long hairs just like my brother and worst, they have their ears pierced. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Don't they know that boys who pierce theirs will not be able to become wali. Sigh!

My mum once told me : "Macam mana pun nakal anak-anak mak. Mak bersyukur yang anak-anak mak takde la nakal macam anak orang lain. Mak bersyukur that non of you do drugs, non of you bring home boyfriends/girlfriends and ask them to sleep over. I'm also greatful that non of you steal, and that all of you jaga your sembahyang. "

She also told me, that ignore those who mock you, ignore those who talk behind your back, ignore those who creates fitnah. Just learn to ignore. Let them say what they want. 

Because at the end of the day, only you and Allah knows the truth. That is the most important thing. Only Allah knows how hard it is to raise a child when you're far away from them. Allah will always be there for you, if you pray to Him, and never give up on Him. 

You know what, I'm glad my parent raised me and made me who I am today. In me they have planted the importance of deen, good morals, and they have shaped each us to be good to the society (InsyaAllah). 

Suhaib Webb - Occupy Your Soul

Tawbah - Imam Suhaib Webb

This lecture was conducted by Imam Suhaib Webb. This Imam is a revert from USA and is married to a Malay. He was named one of the 500 most influential Muslims in the world by the Royal Strategic Studies Centre in 2010.

Personally, I've seen some of his lectures, and MasyaAllah, his lectures are inspiring. I wanted to go to his talk/workshop last month on "Occupy your soul" but the time didn't permit me. So InsyaAllah, kalau ada rezeki I will go next time.
I somehow love going to workshops/talk that enables me to upgrade my knowledge in Islam. I love looking for inspiration and motivation, and like to look for ways to make my life better InsyaAllah.

So, InsyaAllah, December ni ada workshop on Twins of Faith. They're going to have to great speakers from all around the world one of which is Dr. Bilal Philips. I used to use his books as my textbooks during Islamic studies back in my school days.
I'm going to allocate time and money just to go to this 2 days workshop/conference. I'm excited! Ngee ^^

Well anyways, hope you enjoy watching this lecture, just like I did. It's a great great lecture. And after watching this I've decided that I'm just going to take baby steps to start a new life. InsyaAllah.

I hope this lecture will benefit you, just like it did to me.

Mana sungai

So the other day,  my kids (4 year old students) sang this song together while they were doing their activities:

Mana sungai, mana sungai,
Di hutan, di hutan,
Sungai makan daging, sungai makan daging,
ROAR! ROAR! ROAR! ROAR! ROAR! ROAR!

I was sitting on the other side of the classroom, listening to them sing. Just when the song finshed, I asked them "What is sungai?"

One child confidently answered "Ala teacher! Sungai to kan lion!" =_="

I wanted to laugh, but held back my laughter, and explained to them that sungai is river, and lion is singga.

After explaining to them, it just hit me, that, I only have less then a month left to be with them. I'm sad, knowing that I've got little time left to spend with them. Sigh!

I'm going to miss them so much. They were far the best group I've had in my teaching. I love them.

Dreams

Credit to my colleague who snapped this wonderful picture of me and the baby.

Ada tak ciri ciri seorang ibu in this pic? Hahahaha....yes, like every other girls, I longed to have a child of my own someday.

Krabi

So my final trip for the long Hari Raya holidays was to Krabi, Thailand. It was a one day getaway trip. We took a three hour drive to Krabi. The three hour, felt like it was a 12 hour drive, mungkin sebab, there was no proper highway, it was just jalan kampung all the way, and there definitely no R&R. Which was big turn off. 

The weather there wasn't sunny at all, it was rainy. 

We stayed at Krabi beach resort in Ao Nang. The hotel was superb. It was cheap, but the facility there macam 5 star. The rooms was big, and the bathroom was really big, with a big tub. The rooms was surrounded by trees, and the buildings was more like town houses and Chalets. Which was awesome. And hotel concepts was more towards saving the environment. They don't change the bed sheets daily unless you ask them too. 

Since it's krabi, it's a tourist hotspot. So it's really advisable for one not to shop there unless you know how to tawar menawar.  And food in krabi for us muslims, is very the senang to get one. There's a lot of halal restaurants to choose and eat. 

I wont write much, cuz I didn't do much over there, but it was a good get away trip from the city. 

I hope you enjoy the photos below. :)

View of the hotel from our room.

Susah sangat nak amik gambo budak ni = _=

The Bathroom. My fave part of the room.

The pathway to our room.

Having breakfast by the seaside.

Subhanallah. I just love this flower. It caught my attention. It's so pretty. 

The islands across krabi.

Abah searching for some grubs to eat for lunch.

The signboard at the hotel. 

The bed. It was a comfy bed. Just nice for me. Not too hard and not to soft.

Abah.

The T.v and the mini bar.

Mumsy. 

This is the card that we have to place whenever we want the bedsheets to bedsheets to be changed.

Not sunny beach.

The secluded part of the beach. Behind me is a cave. Was really tempted to go in. 

I had to put on a brave look to climb up these rocks.

My parents. My dad's a lil camera shy. 

The beach.

DECEMBER - Can't you come back [IRIS OST]

I'm in love with this song. I don't understand what the lyrics, but somehow i just love the song. :)

Raya oh Raya

Salam. 

First time in seven years, all seven of us gathered for Hari Raya. Mak, Abah, Abang, Me, Nini, Abu aass, and Amir all got together to spend our raya. 

We all headed down south, to Felda Bukit Ramun, Kulai, Johor. First stop in Johor, was my grandparents (my mum's side). Most of my uncle, aunties and cousins on my mum's side were all there. We spent a few hours catching up, before heading down to my grandmother's (my dad's side), where we spent a couple of hours catching up with my grandmother and a couple of my uncles.

Raya Pertama :-

Morning on my mum's side was chaotic. We all woke up early, the ladies prepared the raya feast such as ketupat, rendang, sambal goreng (orang jawa style), curry, kuah lodeh, kuah kacang and many more. Whilst the men, headed for the bathroom to shower before heading to the mosque for Eid Prayers.

After the prayers, and after we were all done beautifying ourselves, everyone in the household, gathered upstairs untuk bersalam and mintak maaf to the elders, and the elders gave money packets (angpau) to the young ones. 

When this was done, all of us (there were more than 20 of us) gathered for a family potrait. Ye lah, it was the first time in 7 years that almost EVERYONE actually balik and gathered in A63 for raya. So we wanted to capture the moment. 

It was havoc, chaotic but at the same time it was FUN.  After the big family portrait, each family had their own family portrait taken. 

When all the fun was over, all seven of us headed down, to Tok Ona's. Tok Ona was sitting in the kitchen all alone crying silently to herself. She quickly wiped her tears and smiled when she saw us. The house was literally empty, there was only three of my uncles who was lounging. We all salam, hugged and kissed her and sat down with my uncles for a few hours chatting and eating.

That evening, we all headed for our first raya house, Felda Pasir Raja, to visit Tok Angah's. Spent a few hours there, eating and chatting with abah's cousins and aunty. On the way back, we singgah Felda Sungai Sayong, to Mak Ngah's house. I was happy to see Mak Ngah again. Dah lama tak jumpa dia. Seeing her again was good. :)

Abah's face changed abit and didn't quite look that happy kat sana. He almost threw an amok kat sana, I was scared the minute he raised his voice a bit. I looked at him and I looked at everyone, and I was praying inside. Praying that there wont be a fight, I kept looking at my dad, giving a look for him to stop on what he's trying to do. He saw me looking at him, and immediately stopped. 

And kebetulan Mak Long and Sarah's family arrived at that time. I was happy again. I was happy to see her, and happy to see her son for the first time. All this while I only saw him through the pictures that she posted in facebook. He was cute, Masyallah. And active. Biasalah anak lelaki. And surprisingly, he wanted to sit on or laps he was friendly with us, and didn't mind us holding him. According to his mum, dia biasanya don't want girls to hold him, but he didn't mind with me and my sister. Aura kot. Hahaha.

There was so many kids at mak ngah's house, and semuanya comel comel. So geram. Hahaha. One child that caught my attention in particular was Mia, anak Uteh. She was like a walking doll. 

So about an hour later, we all said our goodbyes, and abah being abah, he wanted to settle the private matter with his family on that day itself. So me, mum, nini and atok headed outside and waited for him to finish. We couldn't do anything, but just hear the discussion from outside. Atok looked tired, and really wanted to go home. 

I guess Abah wanted to make peace, and wanted everyone in his family to make up, and be happy again. That is mine and my sister's theory. He was just being a peace maker. That's all.

I dare not write on what was the problem. Cuz I myself don't know what was going on. Ye la, if I do write and it's not true, nanti karang ada orang cakap I created a fitnah. So I'm just going to control my fingers and not write anything that's not true.

Our theory was also, that it would've been good that abah and his siblings all got together and talked, without  having someone else masuk campur. If you know what I mean. 

Knowing abah, he doesn't like it when somebody else's butt in his personal problems. Kalau aku pon, I wouldn't like it. 

Well that was my first raya. It was a bitter sweet first day.

Raya Kedua :-

This was a fun day. Everyone in mak's side, decided to convoy and raya at JB and kulai. Traffic was terrible in kulai. 

Our first stop, was Tok Wak Singerpore's house. Since Tok Wak was alone, me, my mum and my sister made ourselves at home, by heading to the kitchen and made the drinks for everyone. We also helped her cleaned up.

An hour later, we all headed to JB, with Tok Wak to Pak Itam's house. Pak Itam ordered pizza hut and spaghetti for us. We all sat down and ate. And then us ladies headed upstairs to his private pagoda and had a  photo session. 

After pak itam's we headed back to kulai, and went to Mak Njang's house. Cik Ari met us there, and bought KFC and Dominos for us.  

After Mak Njangs, some of us headed home, and some of us headed to JPO (Johor premium outlet). The JPO concept was similar to the one in Pandorf, but didn't come close to it. They didn't have much choices of good brands except for fossil, and coach. And practically all stores were empty. 

In conclusion raya kedua for me was a westernised raya. Haha...but it was fun, fun, fun!

Raya Ketiga :-

The next day we all headed back to K.L. As usual it was jam teruk sangat sangat. But we managed to singgah to a few places.

On the way back to K.L we singgah-ed to Cik Bujang's house (abah's cousin). I don't really remember them. But they remember me well. Abah's cousin's wife has cancer usus (stage 3).  She told us she how she got it, and how painful it was and still is. 

After visiting him, we stopped by Muor, to abah's cikgu's place. And our last stop was Pengkalan Balak, Melaka, to Amir parents angkats' house. We spent a couple of hours there before heading home.

Okay that was my raya. Enjoy the pictures below. :)

Mak ready to bersalam to her parents.  

Getting ready for a big family potrait.

Still not ready yet. 

Ini lah, keluarga Wak Jamil. 

Keluarga Wak Jamil. Most of us are here. Only missing my aunt,  couple of my uncles and some of my cousins.

Candid Picture of Keluarga Wak Jamil.

My Family Portrait. <3

Getting ready for a Mini family portrait.

Mak's family portrait. 

The only ladies in the Nasir clan.

Mak and her MIL (Tok Ona).

Us ladies with Tok Ona. 

Mother daughter.

Cool eh? Macam picture in a mag. ^^

Pictures session with Tok Besar and Tok wak (Mak's Aunt) at Pak Itam's.

With the Cousins. <3

Raya this year, will be spent down south. Last minute decision, we all decided to head the south to spend our Raya. It'll be the first time in years that all 7 of us are gathered for raya. And it'll be the first time in years that all 7 of us are raya-ing in kampung.

Can't wait to see and meet up with everybody. InsyaAllah it'll be a good and meaningful raya this year.

I'd like to wish every one SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

It has almost been a year since I've last seen my grandparents and relatives in Johor. I miss them dearly, and if my work life is not as hectic I would've visit them as often as I'd love to. 

A few days ago, my uncle and his family came to town. He brought along my grandparents. It was a short stay. But Alhamdullilah, I got to see them, and lepaskan my rindu. And Alhamdullilah, both Tok Besar and Tok Amil are sihat. 

We had a 3 hour catch up session, and since it's the month of Ramadhan, one of the holiest month in the Islamic calender, I have avoided topics that could provoke gossips. And yes, we managed to avoid gossiping, and I was not asked the question "Kau bila lagi kakak?". Hahahaha, it was a relief. I was actually ready to answer them when they ask the killer question to me. 

You know what my answer would be if I was asked that question that day:

"Hmmm...still looking for someone that can be my imam." That's it. Plain simple. Someone that can be my imam, and that can bring me closer to Allah. Someone that wants me because of Allah, and nothing else. That's all. 

Anyways, amidst of all the happiness and mini reunion, someone else that I miss dearly wasn't there. Tok Ona. My grandma from dad's side. I miss her. I know she's not well, even though they said that she's healthy. I don't buy it. 

Time does not permit me to go and visit her. Well at least not now. Even though I can't visit her, I pray to Allah to protect her and keep her safe. I pray to Him, to give her good health and strength. 

InsyaAllah, after raya, if time permits, I'll go down south to visit my beloved grandma. This year, I'll be spending my raya in Thailand. Again. 

Since Abah has to office sit the consulate, he can't go back for raya. So sedih. 

It's going to be a very small celebration for us. But it's okay, at least I get to spend raya with my family. InsyaAllah. 

Being Me

Second seminar I attended was "Being Me" under Mercy. Just like the first one, this was only for Muslimahs. This actually was unplanned thing. I saw it on the net, tapi tak ambil pot at first. And than as time goes by, my heart wanted to go, but there were few halangans like duit, and transport. The place was far from home. And plus my school had an event that day. So I couldn't go.

And as the time came nearer, I heard the place was a full house, that there was no more tickets left, only premium tickets. I was disapointed, tapi niat to go was still there. And at the same time, my boss bought 2 extra tickets for her friends. Again I was disappointed sebab tak boleh pergi.

A few days later I got a memo from my boss stating that whoever wants to go, just tell her she can give free ticket. Alhamdullilah. I was happy. I quickly informed her. Right after my event I went with a colleague, upon arrival we bumped into Sharifah Sofia (who btw has started wearing the hijab, MasyaAllah), and my boss forgot our tickets.

I was disappointed again. Seeing my face, she quickly took her daughter's tag and her colleague punye tag and gave it to me and my colleague. And she told us to just masuk. So we did, and they didn't even check. Spent 10 hours at the seminar. And it was worth every hour spent.

The things I learnt was:

1.  don't be too attach to the material world.
2. what is the first and last thing that comes to mind when you sleep? (a thought to ponder)
3. what that the first thing that comes to mind? (a thought to ponder?)
4. always remember the quran is the manual to life.
5. don't waste food. you'll be questioned.  Did you know, K.L wastes 900 tone of food everyday. 
6. Help the poor, if you don't, you'll be questioned.

The speakers were from all over the world. There was also muslimah rewards. One reward that touched my heart was a reward to novelist. She's blind but has written many novels. 

From the first time in a long time, I actually felt secure and safe. And I was actually happy, maybe because I was surrounded by only Muslims that was friendly.

Mission for this year during ramadan is to do a lot of charity work. InsyaAllah.

Jazakallah Khair.

A Moment To Remember

A couple of ago, I went to my first ever islamic seminar. The best part was it an all girls seminars. Yes, it was just for Muslimahs only. I was excited. What was more exciting, was that the speakers were Oki Setiana Dewi and Wardina Safiyyah.

The seminar was all about their turning point of life to being a Muslimah. It was an inspirational talk. I mean just like me, Wardina was pretty rebellious towards her family and Islam. But she said the joy that you feel in life only happens for a few minutes or hours it does not last for eternity. So she decided to tobat and turned to Allah. She went back learned back the basics of Islam.

OSD on the other hand, decided to be a wonderful Muslimah because of her mum. Her mum had a rare disease, and was uncurable, and she didn't have money to hospitalised her mum, so she decided to leave the life of her mum to Allah, and made a promise to Him, that if her mum gets better she will keep the hijab on her head. MasyaAllah, Him being the greatest cured her mum, and she kept her promise.

Their stories were inspirational, but sayang the penganjur had to cut their stories short. I was a bit disappointed. But all in all, I learnt from these two inspirational speakers that:

1. Choose your role model wisely.
2. Make the quran your bestfriend :- I'm trying to make it my bestfriend. I'm trying to read the quran daily, and understand each verse that I read. 
3. To be a good Muslimah : one must be knowledgeable, attend Usrah group (I'm trying to find one for myself) and attend seminars.

Well that's just about it. It was a short but a memorable seminar. And I am trying my best to change and be a better Muslimah. InsyaAllah.

Jazakallah Khair

Hasbi Rabbi - Akhil Hayy

I love this dzikir. It makes me tenang. I actually have this as my alarm clock, but I have the version from Hafiz Hamidun, of his zikir terapi diri album. Great album, MashaAllah. It's so calming, and soothing to wake from a soothing zikir.

Ramadan Song with Zaky (Nasheed)

Such a cute song, reccomended for everyone of all ages. I taught my students this song, and they just love it.

Salam,
I've not blogged in ages. I've been running around like a headless chicken. I've been busy with work and attending Islamic seminars and conferences.

Just to let you know, I'm renewing my faith and strenghthening my Iman. Alhamdullilah, after my faith renewal I've become a more positive person. I'm trying to read the quran daily and studying it at the same time.

For now, I'm going to not blog til I'm ready to write again.  InsyaAllah.

Jazakallah khair.

Bon Iver Can't Make You Love Me

Bismillahirahmanirahim,
K...I've decided to turn my life around. I'm going to say good bye to my old life and hello to my new life...InsyaAllah.  No...I'm not getting hitched.

Hooked on to 9GAG?

Hooked on to 9GAG? Reddit? Check out #ChurpChurp! U're gonna be hooked on d stories we have!

Sayoonara

Dear dreary world,
I'm leaving for australia. Not excited abt it at all. I'm going because orang dah bayar kan tambang, lodging, transport and even makan. Practically this whole trip is free.

I'll see you in a weeks time. InsyaAllah.

"Jika gaji kita RM 5000 tetapi kita kerja kuat seperti gaji RM 20000, Allah SWT akan berikan beza RM 15000 itu samada dalam bentuk duit, anak soleh, hidup bahagia dan lain-lain.
Jika gaji kita RM 5000 tapi kita kerja malas macam gaji RM 2000, beza RM 3000 itu Allah akan tarik samada dalam bentuk kecurian, kesusahan, anak nakal dan seumpamanya." - Prof. Dr. Muhaya.

Sebab itulah semua mereka yang berjaya mempunyai tabiat "GIve more" kan.. Firman Allah SWT dalam Al-Quran pun ada mengatakan yang Allah sukakan umatnya bersungguh2 bila melakukan sesuatu pekerjaan yang baik. Wallahualam..

Sama2 kita berusaha dan berjaya dunia akhirat. Amin~ dipetik dari Prof Dr Muhaya

I've always wondered how my dad can afford to buy a lot of things, and lend people money and still be able to feed a family of seven.

My dad, never taught us to buy branded things. He always taught us to be humble and bleak. He says we have to belajar pandai pandai if we wanted to get the things we wanted.

I remember everytime we went to the shops, and wanted to get our stuff, he'd always says "tak boleh...abah punya duit tak cukup".

He's a government servant, and his job requires him to travel around the world. Every 4 years we move around. It sucks at times. As we have to pack, and make new friends. Sometimes I felt like a nomad.

Even though my dad always tells us, that we cannot afford this and that, no matter what, he has taught us that family comes first. Remember in Libya, he left us kids and mum who was in her pantang alone. He flew to Makkah. Reason is because he wanted to do Hajj, and he wanted to look his mother. On the last minute, my dad paid for my grandmother's Hajj.
He told us an amazing story, that lepas dia melontar, he made a niat to visit his mother, whom he's not seen yet since his touch down in Makkah. Allah being great and loving, he made his niat come true. Just as my dad turned around, my grandmother was there right behind him. And both mother and son, were reunited happily and was crying of joy.

He never fails to give his mother money every month. He even chipped in money to rennovate her house. He helps his family in every way he can.

He always reminds his children to never forget their roots. Every year during raya, he always reminds us to visit our relatives. We children try our best to make the visits, but time never permits us to do so.

Anyways, I don't want to write more, nanti kalau tertulis salah info, people will marah. Kalau ikutkan I want to write more, but I dare not. I'll just talk to Allah about how proud I am of him.

Back to the topic, my siblings and I always wonder, how my dad can get all the money, even though he says that his gaji is never enough to get things for us. I never believed him, until I saw his payslip a few years ago. The pay is not enough to feed a family of 7.

But how does he do it? Only God knows.

Hmm....a few days ago I came across this:



"Jika gaji kita RM 5000 tetapi kita kerja kuat seperti gaji RM 20000, Allah SWT akan berikan beza RM 15000 itu samada dalam bentuk duit, anak soleh, hidup bahagia dan lain-lain.
Jika gaji kita RM 5000 tapi kita kerja malas macam gaji RM 2000, beza RM 3000 itu Allah akan tarik samada dalam bentuk kecurian, kesusahan, anak nakal dan seumpamanya." -Prof. Dr. Muhaya

This is the answer to my wonders. If you work hard, Allah will give reward, and he will give you more than you actually earned. But if you don't work hard, yakni, not sincere in your work, than Allah will give you hardship. This is also note to self.

So dear all, do not make false assumptions. We struggled when we were growing up. My dad was the only bread winner in the family. Feeding a family of 7 aint an easy job. I remember at one point, mak made a small business, to help abah. She made custom made baju and sold roti bom to malaysian residence. But Alhamdullilah after many years of hard work, and many doas, lots of patience, Allah has given my family a lot of rezeki. He has successfully raised 5 kids to be successful in life, bukan aku nak berlagak, its the truth.

My Abang - he's considered a difficult child for my parents to raise,  he didn't complete his studies, was a bum for a few months, my dad almost gave up on him because he was so stubborn and still is, now is an executive in a top paintball shop in Asia.

Me - I struggled in school. I never did well in exams. Became a teacher in early childhood. Have been teaching for 7 years. I've been working in the same company for almost 5 years. Now in the process of opening up a taska. Alhamdullilah. I didn't have to keluarkan modal to open up this taska. My current boss paid for everything (buying the house, rennovating it, and EVERYTHING else). I'm going to be running a taska on my own. Nervous, but excited.

My sister - She paid for her own higher education fees. My didn't couldn't really pay for it. She studied economics, and now she's an executive manager in an islamic bank. And she's also running a small business, and it seems to be doing well.

My brother - He is still studying, and will be finishing off soon. InsyaAllah. He is what I call a lost musician. With no formal music classes, he taught himself to play the guitar and sing. And now, he is on his way to make his first gig. Hope it goes well for him.

The baby of the family - This little guy is a genius in the making. He is in form 2 now, and hope he will finish his school when Abah retires.

People assume that we do not know the meaning of struggling. Just because we merantau, does not mean we don't struggle. We have experienced of what most people that I know have experience. I would love to write more, but time does not permit, I shall do so next time.